One book I keep going back to is the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is a simply written book but with an extremely powerful and challenging set of 'agreements' that point the reader towards a path of growth. This growth allows one to live a life free from self inflicted agony and discover their authentic self.
The one agreement I struggle with is to not take anything personally. I'm constantly reminding myself that what others do "to me" really has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with that person. I want to believe people don't intend to hurt others with their words, actions and non actions, but it's sometimes hard not to take these words and actions personally. The same can be said for myself. If I lash out in hurt at someone who has wronged me, my words may have elements of truth, but they are really about my pain and not the other person. So, I must delve deeper into the cause of the pain and transmute it into strength. I'm also guilty of not always being impeccable with my word. I try to live a life honoring my truth and one of integrity. I have been accused of being too trusting and open, but I really don't know any other way to be! So, when I discover I've been lied to, betrayed and fooled I beat myself up for not knowing better. In the end, I use my words of anger against myself.
So, what is the answer? How does one navigate this bumpy road to find peace and authentic love? The answer comes with yet another agreement: Always try your best. And your best will be different from day to day. Most people have a lot of baggage that needs to be unpacked and dealt with. This is not a pleasant activity and causes a lot of resistance. But, by becoming aware and feeling the pain, letting the fear move through you; those old wounds begin to heal and the mistakes you keep making begin to stop since you've learned the lesson.
I've realized, the hard way, that life is not about getting to a place that's really swell. It's about the journey and the lessons presented along the way. And, on those days when my depression and pain overtake me to the point I simply cannot fathom taking one more step, a miracle always happens that propels me forward. So, while I regret my mistakes, with the help of the Four Agreements, it is my hope that I will learn and become a stronger person on the path towards true freedom.
If you have read this book, what has your experience been trying to live the teachings? What has been the most challenging? What has been the most enlightening?
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